so..............
how important am i?
i mean seriously. so for the past about 5 months, there's been some rough stuff going on in my life, that i'm really not willing to discuss here, but whatever. so i had a night that was on the bad side last night, nothing extreme. one of my friends was on day 5 of a migrane, and another's grandfather passed away. in light of that my problems seem trivial.
but they're important to ME.
this brings up the question: Who on earth am I important to? last night after YG, i was upstairs in one of the rooms on my computer cause i was feeling low and like being alone. when i came downstairs again, almost everyone had left and not one person had said goodbye to me. now, maybe it was my own fault for not being in an obvious place, but... these people are supposed to be my friends, they're supposed to care about me. so why don't they?
I had a long talk with my dad on the way home from YG. It seems like our youth group is dying. and here's the reason why: for most of the people there it is just "One more thing" during the week. Most people go to Mission Christ as well, or to the YG at Trinity, The Upper Room is just one more place.
For me it's not that. It's the only YG I have. Admittedly, I could start going to Mission, or to Life Teen at CTK, or Lifehouse at Knox. BUT I DON"T WANT TO! I want MY youth group. The one i've been at since it started with only 8 people coming. The one that was my second family. The one that's dying.
There is no unity at my YG anymore. I feel like it's just a bunch of spinning circles and i'm stuck in the middle with no place to go. no place i fit. i mean, the people there are nice to me and all... i just don't fit.
The thing I dislike the most is Mission. Now maybe i'm being dumb and just sort of pointing fingers, but it seems like ever since more of our YG has started going to Mission, TUR has been dissolving more and more. One of the leaders even said to me once, "I want to make our youth group more like mission." I don't want our youth group to be more like Mission. I want our youth group to be The Upper Room.
I keep getting pressure to visit mission, especially since it moved so it's like, 5 minutes or less from my house. I AM NOT GOING TO GO!! sorry! I HATE what it has done to TUR, and I am NOT going to go there. even to see what it's like.
Yes, I am being pigheaded and judgemental, but what used to be my safe place has fallen apart. I don't feel safe there anymore. I don't feel loved there anymore. I feel like one little seed that doesn't matter for anything in a whole field of wheat that's a million taller than i am and overlooks me.
Now, i'm not trying to make my YG sound like it's made of a bunch of annoying, judgemental, selfish middle school type kids. It's not. the people at my YG are amazing... but... i think they've forgotten the point of being a body.
A hand can't be part of two bodies.and yes, i know that we are all part of one body, the body of Christ, but still.... i don't know how to explain it.
I guess that's all. And I know people who read this are going to get all up in arms about some of the things i have said. that's your right. but it's my right to post what i feel like posting on my own personal blog.
A Little Girl
- Choo
- I'm a little girl with big dreams, who serves an even bigger God. I love Ballet, my friends, my family, and hugs. I hate not seeing my friends, making my friends disappointed in me, and when people dis ballet. Often times I feel out of place in the world, my friends help, but God helps more. My life's goal is to change someone's life through dance. If I can change the life of just one person through ballet, then I will be fulfilled.
3 comments:
Hey baby,
I know exactly how you feel. If everyone else leaves, though, I won't. TUR is my family too. Especially since my church has begun to mean a lot less to me. TUR is where I get all I need. Also, a lot of what I want. If there's only you left, I'll stick with you. You saved me. Remember when we were at Ballet Mag? I stood up when she asked who rededicated their life to Jesus. I stood up. You are one of the main reasons that happened. God works through you for me. You are the reason I came to TUR. You are the reason I found my family. You are the reason I'm alive today. If I didn't meet you at Ballet Mag, if God hadn't made us roommates, if you didn't invite me to TUR, I don't know where I would be. You are one of the most important people in my life. If you weren't there for me, I'd be where you were last year. I'd probably be worse than you were. I might even be dead. I love you so much, and don't ever forget that. I'll stay by your side and give you hugs and kisses even if everybody else abandons you. You saved my life, and I'll do what I can to save yours. I love you, dreamboat. More importantly, God loves you. Jesus loves you. Enough to die for you. Dixie cups, remember? =3
Please don't give up.
Love, Sarah.
I'm not upset with you for posting that. I think it's awesome to be honest even if you don't agree with other people. Now, there can be a tactfullness with which to present your disagreements, but honesty is the most important part.
I don't know if I would agree that TUR is dying. In some ways, I feel more at home there than any of the other places I go.
On the question of unity: I'm not sure how to judge either The Upper Room or Mission. I go to both, and lately I've been feeling a lot like both might be dying or splitting apart or whatever. But do I understand God's plans for either of these groups? Not at all! What I see as people growing apart and groups "struggling" may in fact be exactly what people needed.
I really needed my view of these groups to change, and my view has been changing, only as I realize that my view isn't necessarily the correct one. Now, I'm not saying that to rebuke you, but rather to inform you that I have been overly critical of things I don't comprehend. I don't know what plans God has for TUR or Mission of Life Teen, or any of the other groups that people attend, but I do know that He is in control of things. Even when it may seem like a group is dying, we probably don't understand everything God has planned. Pray about what you see, most certainly, and things need to be changed, speak out (with grace of course)!
I'm not sure...I can be too confident of myself, and it can cause problems...I only say all of this because I have made the mistake of being judgemental of situations that I was wrong about. I don't know all that happens, and why it happens. So I don't claim to know what's right. (again, not an attack against you, just what I've learned).
Lastly, and most importantly, I think you're AMAZING!! You don't sound like you're too happy with yourself or a lot of things right now, but you should know that I still think you're great. More importantly, Jesus thinks you're great, but...yeah, you're heard all of that. If you want to hear it again, read Romans, or give me a call. :)
I don't know if attending multiple groups is wrong or if any of the groups mentioned are dying. I don't have any good answers to the questions you posed, but I do know this: I care about people. If I can reach people and help them learn about the Love of Jesus, then I will. I'm not as concerned about the group, or the name, I care about people. Groups are important, but the people in them are more important. That's my priority, and I think it's God's too.
Once again, I love you I love you I love you so much, and please read all of this knowing that I think you're the best.
Spence
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